Providence

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

For Mark and me, November is a wonderful month of remembrance. In November of 2004, Mark went down on his knees and asked me to become his wife. I can still see his earnest (and nervous) face and hear his sweet words. We talk a lot about the providence of God and how He moved in our lives to bring us together. All of the details aren't important, but the bottom line was that we both had experienced similar struggles in our lives - challenges with children, the heart break of a spouse leaving, and the ensuing pain and loneliness. I did not think I would ever marry again, but God in His perfect wisdom and timing brought us together; it was not by chance. He had all of the details worked out. There are many things that make us perfect for each other, but it is so comforting to both of us that we know what it has been like to walk in the other's shoes.
I went through a period where I was pretty sure God had abandoned me. It was all I could do to stumble through my day at work. In the evenings, I would return to my empty house and lay on my bed, mostly crying and staring at the ceiling. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep at night. One of those sleepless nights I was channel surfing and stumbled on some TV evangelist program. I don't remember the topic or her sermon, but the thing she said that grabbed at my heartstrings was this: Sometimes you will be standing at the edge of the cliff and God will gather you in His strong arms of protection and hold on tight - keeping you from the fall. Sometimes He will let you go over the edge, but you can rest assured that He will take you by the hand and go with you all the way. After this, I started to heal and get back into life. It was still hard, but I finally understood that God had never left me and He was holding on tight.
The things Mark and I both struggled with the most were feelings of rejection and profound loneliness. After about a year had passed, I started asking God what His plan was. One thing I had decided was that I was not going to go looking for a man, because then I would not know if any relationship resulting from my search was God's will or mine. After that initial period of feeling as if God had abandoned me, I found myself searching for answers and walking closer with God than at any other time in my life. I prayed a lot about it and I asked God for three things:

• I asked God, if He wanted me to be married again, to please not make me date a lot of men. (I had been married close to 30 years and prospect of dating was frightening.)
• I asked Him for a Christian man who would be spiritual head of our household.
• I asked Him to please not take me out of the church I was attending at that time.

Little did I know, the answer to my prayer was sitting on the other side of town. Mark too was questioning what God's plan was for him. At the time he also found his nest empty. When he was younger he played the drums and found himself now with time on his hands and started playing again. God dropped Mark in my church as a drummer for our Praise Band and that is where we met. Mark always says that for him it was love at first sight. It took me a little longer - I was still terrified at the prospect of another relationship. We had gone out several times and had made plans to go out again. The appointed time of that date came and I had decided that I was going to break it off. There were just too many things going on, and I was not ready to move on with a dating relationship. I think we had gone to a movie and when we got back to the house I was going to tell him. Mark sensed that something was troubling me that night and asked if he could pray for me. That, my friends, changed everything. I think God clearly showed me on that night that this was a man of God and that I needed to take another look at the guy. A coincidence that Mark prayed some might say?? I think not!

God answered all three of my prayers. He gave me everything I asked for and more. Mark is everything that I never knew I wanted. The Merriam Webster's dictionary definition of providence is "God conceived, as the power sustaining and guiding human destiny." Holman's Illustrated Bible Dictionary adds, "In so doing [in His providence] God attends not only to apparently momentous events and people but also to those that seem both mundane and trivial. . . Indeed, so all encompassing is God's attention to events within creation that nothing happens by chance."
Mark and I have experienced trials and much pain. But we both know that if even one detail of our lives had been different, our story would not have ended the same way. It was worth it all!! We are so grateful to God, for His love and providence - for working out the details to give us a beautiful life together! We are so blessed!