Goodbye

“A friend loves at all times; he is there to help when trouble comes.” Proverbs 17:17

Today is a day that I have always known would come, but that does not make it any easier. Today my Pastor preached his last sermon at my church and this week he and his family will load up their belongings and head for a new home, a new church, a new life in Plainfield, Indiana. I am so sad to see them go, but also know that they did not make this decision lightly. This is God’s plan for their lives as evidenced by the many details He has worked out for them – all because they answered His call.

Throughout his nine-plus years here I have experienced both the depths of despair and the heights of joy in my life. He has seen me through much of that and has been a compassionate counselor, a wise teacher, and most important – has come to be my trusted friend. I will miss him so much. He has helped me move a little further down the spiritual maturity road and for that I am grateful. Also during his time here I have come to realize and so appreciate the sacrifices a pastor’s wife makes supporting her husband as he ministers to his (sometimes needy) flock. She too is a treasure and I will also miss her greatly.

It’s very hard to say goodbye, but instead of feeling so sad about them leaving, I should focus on thanking the Lord for the gift of having known them. Changing my perspective helps comfort me – knowing that God has both them and me in the right place, at the right time because He does not withhold anything that is for our good. What a wonderful God!

So to my friends – Dusty, Debbie, Darci, DeAnn, and Denae – I wish you farewell. I will always think of you fondly, remembering your wonderful friendship and servant hearts. Love and blessing to all of you as you begin a new journey!

“Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened!”

Dr. Suess

Expectations

“Behold, I bring you GOOD NEWS of great joy that will be for all people. Today, in the city of David, a Savior has been born to you; He is CHRIST the LORD.” Luke 2:10-11

Ever since I can remember, the Christmas season has been a stressful and emotional, almost dreaded time for me. I was never really sure why. I can’t trace it back to some terrible event in my childhood; my parents didn’t do it to me. We were by no means a wealthy family, but we were happy and had plenty. I think my parents worked really hard to fulfill our (reasonable) Christmas wishes. In fact, they deserve a lot of credit, providing for five kids! I can’t even trace it back to anything specific in my years of raising my two children and the hustle and bustle that ensues. All I know is from the day after Thanksgiving until Christmas Day I just experience a feeling of unrest. (I guess for me, Black Friday had nothing to do with shopping.)

Mark, bless his heart, knows how I am and he has worked very hard to make this the best Christmas season ever for me. This man is a great list-maker and he made a long one – not for me, but for us. He gently took me by the hand and went with me to complete all of our Christmas shopping several weeks before Thanksgiving. We have 5 grandchildren and we spent several hours playing with the toys in Walmart one Saturday afternoon in November, making our gift selections. We really did have a lot of fun! He saw to it that I had wrapping paper and supplies and that all the shopping chores were wrapped up (forgive the pun) by mid-November. With all of that done, and after spending a very enjoyable day with my family on Thanksgiving, Mark whisked me off to sunny Phoenix, Arizona the next day to start the season by enjoying time with his sister and her family for four wonderful days. Back at home, he became even more determined that all would be good for my December. He decided that this year he would not have me spending hours in the kitchen for Christmas. He has ordered Hog Wild BBQ for our family meal, has already bought the sodas, and has a short shopping list of the things we need to complete the menu. Is this a great guy, or what!!!!

So far this month, I am doing pretty good. But I continue to think about the why. Why does this season make me feel this way? I don’t think I am the only one that struggles like this, but I think I have finally figured it out - at least for me. The advertisers tell us we have to buy, buy, buy; we need more, more, more - or we won’t be happy. I can remember several years that I went out on December 24th buying more because I felt like I just did not do enough. TV portrays families that are so wonderful and everything comes together like a Norman Rockwell scene at the end of the show. If they happen to have any problems at all, they are resolved and all is fantastic and lovely by the end of the show. Everything is decorated beautifully and everyone is healthy and hap, hap, happy. The movies are even worse. They are full of madcap hilarity, and even the most dysfunctional of families have locked arms and all is calm, all is bright by the conclusion of the film. So here is what I have finally concluded to be the root of my problem: The problem is me - that I believed the lies Hollywood and the marketers tells us about the season, which leads to unfulfilled expectations in the real world.

Real life is not like that. The need continues to do our jobs, take care of our families, clean the house, cook the meals and all of the long list of daily details that must be attended to - but we get on the insane Christmas merry-go-round anyway. In real life, our kids get sick and we do to. I once read an essay by humorist Erma Bombeck where she wrote about being asked what her kids were getting for Christmas. She replied, “Oh, I don’t know yet. Measles, chickenpox, flu - I’m sure they will get something!” In real life the bills need to be paid, the car breaks down or the refrigerator dies, but there is all of this Christmas spending and the extra activities to go to. And we are exhausted.

Last year my daughter Jen, who tends to be a lot like me during this holiday season, said to me, “Mom, why do we do this?” And she is right!! Why has Christmas moved so far away from the original intent for the celebration? I don’t believe God ever intended it to be this way. Rather than trying to trump last year, buying the biggest and the best, and decorating with a million more tiny lights, shouldn’t we focus more on the real meaning of Christmas and simply celebrate Jesus?

So this year, I am trying to give myself the gift of perspective and realistic expectations. This is the year that I have decided it is OK to keep it simple if it means I have a little energy left over for the people in my life. I really do love Christmas decorations and will enjoy seeing them if I am in the homes of some of my friends who decorate so exquisitely for the season. I will also enjoy driving around town with Mark, enjoying the beautiful outdoor light displays. But, I will not allow myself to feel guilty that Christmas decorating on a massive scale is not my thing. We have some great, but modest gifts ready, but I won’t allow myself to feel like there must be a dozen packages for each kid under the (small) tree. I will eat healthy and take care of myself. Most important - I think I will turn off the TV, study my Bible more, and concentrate on the goodness of God - thanking Him for is indescribable gift of Jesus Christ! Now that’s GOOD NEWS; He is the reason for the season!

Wishing joy and peace to you for this Christmas season!!

Blessings

“Count your blessings, name them one by one. Count your blessings see what God has done!”

Johnson Oatman, Jr., 1856-1922

Today is Mark’s birthday. Traditionally we give gifts to the one having the birthday, but I feel like the gift has been given to me. He is amazing and I am so grateful that God sent him my way. I tend to make things so complicated and he is so not complicated. Many times at home I will come upon him and he is just sitting quietly. (I don’t really have that ability!) I will frequently ask him what he is thinking about. Quite often, the answer will be, “Oh, I was just thinking about the goodness of God.” He is such a reality check for me – while I am compiling a list of worries, he is counting his blessings.

Thank you, Lord for sending me a Godly man. Happy birthday Mark! You are such a blessing to me; I love you!

Thanksgiving

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to GOD. And the peace of GOD, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in CHRIST JESUS."

Phillipians 4:6-7

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving Day and I have so very much to be thankful for. I shared earlier this month that there was a time in my life that it was difficult to just get through the day, much less, give thanks. But I have learned that regardless of the challenges that life brings, I have so very much for which to be grateful.

Several years back, I was serving about once a month as a relief house mom for an organization that served pregnant teens. I always took the girls to church and I was there on the Sunday prior to Thanksgiving. The Pastor’s sermon was related to Thanksgiving. I really don’t remember anything he said in that sermon, but I do remember what happened at the end of that service. The Pastor invited people to share what they were thankful for. People stood and stated thankfulness for many of the things one might expect - for family, jobs, their church, Gods blessings, etc – and I too, am grateful for all of those things. But as I was sitting there listening, I had a wave of realization wash over me of what I was also to be thankful for. I knew deep in my soul that I was supposed to be thankful for the hard times because they were what brought me closer to God.

I can choose to have an attitude of thankfulness and focus on what is right in my life, on who God is, and what He has done for me. Thanksgiving is a nice event, but I don’t need a special day to thank the Lord!!

God is working in my life. I don’t always understand it, but I know that He will use it all for His glory. And that is the best reason for giving thanks!!

Providence

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

For Mark and me, November is a wonderful month of remembrance. In November of 2004, Mark went down on his knees and asked me to become his wife. I can still see his earnest (and nervous) face and hear his sweet words. We talk a lot about the providence of God and how He moved in our lives to bring us together. All of the details aren't important, but the bottom line was that we both had experienced similar struggles in our lives - challenges with children, the heart break of a spouse leaving, and the ensuing pain and loneliness. I did not think I would ever marry again, but God in His perfect wisdom and timing brought us together; it was not by chance. He had all of the details worked out. There are many things that make us perfect for each other, but it is so comforting to both of us that we know what it has been like to walk in the other's shoes.
I went through a period where I was pretty sure God had abandoned me. It was all I could do to stumble through my day at work. In the evenings, I would return to my empty house and lay on my bed, mostly crying and staring at the ceiling. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep at night. One of those sleepless nights I was channel surfing and stumbled on some TV evangelist program. I don't remember the topic or her sermon, but the thing she said that grabbed at my heartstrings was this: Sometimes you will be standing at the edge of the cliff and God will gather you in His strong arms of protection and hold on tight - keeping you from the fall. Sometimes He will let you go over the edge, but you can rest assured that He will take you by the hand and go with you all the way. After this, I started to heal and get back into life. It was still hard, but I finally understood that God had never left me and He was holding on tight.
The things Mark and I both struggled with the most were feelings of rejection and profound loneliness. After about a year had passed, I started asking God what His plan was. One thing I had decided was that I was not going to go looking for a man, because then I would not know if any relationship resulting from my search was God's will or mine. After that initial period of feeling as if God had abandoned me, I found myself searching for answers and walking closer with God than at any other time in my life. I prayed a lot about it and I asked God for three things:

• I asked God, if He wanted me to be married again, to please not make me date a lot of men. (I had been married close to 30 years and prospect of dating was frightening.)
• I asked Him for a Christian man who would be spiritual head of our household.
• I asked Him to please not take me out of the church I was attending at that time.

Little did I know, the answer to my prayer was sitting on the other side of town. Mark too was questioning what God's plan was for him. At the time he also found his nest empty. When he was younger he played the drums and found himself now with time on his hands and started playing again. God dropped Mark in my church as a drummer for our Praise Band and that is where we met. Mark always says that for him it was love at first sight. It took me a little longer - I was still terrified at the prospect of another relationship. We had gone out several times and had made plans to go out again. The appointed time of that date came and I had decided that I was going to break it off. There were just too many things going on, and I was not ready to move on with a dating relationship. I think we had gone to a movie and when we got back to the house I was going to tell him. Mark sensed that something was troubling me that night and asked if he could pray for me. That, my friends, changed everything. I think God clearly showed me on that night that this was a man of God and that I needed to take another look at the guy. A coincidence that Mark prayed some might say?? I think not!

God answered all three of my prayers. He gave me everything I asked for and more. Mark is everything that I never knew I wanted. The Merriam Webster's dictionary definition of providence is "God conceived, as the power sustaining and guiding human destiny." Holman's Illustrated Bible Dictionary adds, "In so doing [in His providence] God attends not only to apparently momentous events and people but also to those that seem both mundane and trivial. . . Indeed, so all encompassing is God's attention to events within creation that nothing happens by chance."
Mark and I have experienced trials and much pain. But we both know that if even one detail of our lives had been different, our story would not have ended the same way. It was worth it all!! We are so grateful to God, for His love and providence - for working out the details to give us a beautiful life together! We are so blessed!